| a year older I found out two things the other night. One -- I cannot do simple math. Two -- I am a year older than I thought. So this year I turn the big four-zero. But not for a couple of months. My first reaction? Ahhhhhh... fuck. I don't want to turn 40 yet. I haven't done anything yet. I am still trying to have a career. And while it's more cliche than it ever has been, I am still trying to find myself. I was actually scared out of my pants. Forget about telling me I still have plenty of time to do things and accomplish things and figure out things. And those over 40 forget about being offended by my fear. This is about me and what I have not done, of time I have wasted, of opportunities I have overlooked, of weights I hoped I would have been lessened by now. But of course, when the reality of it comes and just passes me by, like most birthdays, I will be the same person I was the day before. The problem is that I don't see myself as that age. I see myself about 32 or sometimes younger. It clouds my interactions with others, especially others my own age. I always see myself as the inexperienced kid around them. And yet simultaneously, I feel the old man around people of that age. Old, curmudgeonly, looking more backward than for forward. I think I am going to think more about it in the coming weeks than I have in my entire life. And it's not completely about the actual age but where I am in my life at this change of age. And I still want my red sports car and 18 year old floozie model. August 15 07 |
--------------------------------------
Comments
mmmm...flooooozies...
Posted by: uber at August 17, 2007 08:43 AM
Post a comment