| identify changes I have been on purge-binge mode for a while. No, I am not bulemic in my eating; trust me its all binge on that court. No, I am talking about life. While I want to purge things from my life, I find myself often replacing the things / circumstances purged with something else. And even more often, gather more than I got rid of. But the haunting banshee cry in my head still yells, "TOO MUCH !!" I want to lessen that noise by having less "things" and fewer unfinished "projects". I have projects that exist not because they are fun or making me a better person but because i feel like i should have them. I am inspired and feel its a good thing. People with projects are neat people. But i never do my projects, or if I do, I never complete them or I get bored with them. With every thing or circumstance that I eliminate I feel a bit of my identity going. I can no longer call myself a D&D Player because, really, I haven't truly played the game in 5+ years. Yet I gather more hardcover books from second hand stores. But since I was 12 years old I saw that as an integral part of who I was. Every time I met someone who played in high school, I could never understand why they didn't anymore. It's so much fun. But not playing is not much fun either. How much of me can I get rid of before I don't know who I am anymore? I am definately not the movie going guy I once was. It used to define me amongst my friends and in my own head. I used to be the guy who had a note book that he updated with diary entries, tickets from shows, memories, etc. But that is in my bag and not updated for months at a time. I don't stick things in it, I throw them out. I have been thinking of eliminating Blogger from my identity. Not a hiatus, not a redesign, not a change of venue but a complete shut down. I don't work in the webbie world anymore and it doesn't really call to me anymore. I am not the computer guy amongst my friends anymore so I just don't see the need. I also don't feel the desire to share what is going on in my head these days -- it all ends up sounding like this melancholy drek. So, delete the domain, close the accounts, stop the blogging and see what else comes up? But it feels like quitting. I hate quitting. I think I am just more afraid of adding not-a-blogger to my list of nots. Don't know. Just don't know. April 13 07 |
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Comments
William Morris said, "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful". Follow that axiom and you can't go wrong.
I think the same rule can be applied to your personal and spiritual life too.
Posted by: Anonymous at April 13, 2007 01:34 PM
If you quit, you'd better start e-mailing more often. :p
Posted by: uber at April 13, 2007 03:27 PM
Sounds like you need a good game of D&D!
For something on a different topic, thought you might be interested in this if you haven't seen it before:
http://dirtymicrobe.com/products/toast
- Ron
Posted by: Ron back in 'ol CB at April 13, 2007 06:57 PM
Don't quit. Only post if you want to. If not, don't...
Like I should talk... I know the temptation to delete the whole thing. It feels like baggage, and no matter what anyone says, there is a sense of obligation to post something, anything.
Having said that, the blog could be an enabler for whatever new identity is emerging, rather then being something that is just holding you back.
I guess as long as you're on Facebook, though, whatever you do here is ok with me! :P
Posted by: Ed at April 14, 2007 10:26 PM
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