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| the true me So, here I sit on dial-up at the beginning of day five. Despite previous tipsy posts, I have been radically fighting to hang onto that ever elusive "relaxed". My father has asked me three seperate time, "You aren't having a very good time, are you?" in reference to me sitting on the deck, avoiding the 200+ crowd of "cousins", drinking a beer and reading the two books I brought. P.S. Nood, Ghostwritten is reeeeal good. Am I having a gay old time? No, but I am doing my best to achieve a (non inebriated) state of tension free relaxation. Give me a glass of Wally Water and it helps a whole lot but I would rather not rely on it, and other chemicals. Why is it so hard to dispense with such tension? Part of it happens to be that no matter what my age, I am still that lost 15 year old, lonely and not fitting in, whenever I come home to this area. I wander from recognizable relative to familiar face chatting but never really connecting. I refuse to wear that face that I carry with me in Toronto, the one I gained through retail work. This face might not be the prettiest one but it is the one I will carry here. If I gain the rep as the moody loner the so be it, I am on vacation. It is probably the same rep that most of the relatives, whom I haven't met in more than a decade or two, will remember. Or I could just have another drink of Wally Water, for that seems to be a popular topic of conversation amongst the first cousins. P.S. It is kind of weird standing around with a group of 19-25 year old first cousins, all with drinks in hand, and realizing you have baby sat almost every one. That makes you recognize how old you are. Further P.S. Joe read my reply comment in the last post. July 30 06 |
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Comments
About time you read that awesome book! I gave it to you when? Last year?! :P
Posted by: wN at July 30, 2006 11:43 AM
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