ThisBoyIsToast V4 >> July 2006 Archives

So, here I sit on dial-up at the beginning of day five. Despite previous tipsy posts, I have been radically fighting to hang onto that ever elusive "relaxed". My father has asked me three seperate time, "You aren't having a very good time, are you?" in reference to me sitting on the deck, avoiding the 200+ crowd of "cousins", drinking a beer and reading the two books I brought. P.S. Nood, Ghostwritten is reeeeal good. Am I having a gay old time? No, but I am doing my best to achieve a (non inebriated) state of tension free relaxation. Give me a glass of Wally Water and it helps a whole lot but I would rather not rely on it, and other chemicals. Why is it so hard to dispense with such tension? Part of it happens to be that no matter what my age, I am still that lost 15 year old, lonely and not fitting in, whenever I come home to this area. I wander from recognizable relative to familiar face chatting but never really connecting. I refuse to wear that face that I carry with me in Toronto, the one I gained through retail work. This face might not be the prettiest one but it is the one I will carry here. If I gain the rep as the moody loner the so be it, I am on vacation. It is probably the same rep that most of the relatives, whom I haven't met in more than a decade or two, will remember. Or I could just have another drink of Wally Water, for that seems to be a popular topic of conversation amongst the first cousins.

P.S. It is kind of weird standing around with a group of 19-25 year old first cousins, all with drinks in hand, and realizing you have baby sat almost every one. That makes you recognize how old you are.

Further P.S. Joe read my reply comment in the last post. July 30 06

Well, it has started. Cape Breton is all about relaxing, at least in my last decade's worth of experience. Last night, I ended up at a campfire at midnight (had been awake since 4am) and was offered a drink. "Rum or whiskey?" the husband of a cousin, the cousin who is the only person who I was introduced to who I actually recognized, asked me. Rum is bad for me so I asked for whiskey. But I forgot. I forgot what a drink in CB is. Not a finger or two but a tumbler full of rye whiskey with the rarest hint of ice. Do you understand that, a full tumbler of Canadian Club?!?! I was toasted by the time I was putting a second pile of wood on the fire.

Stars. I forget they are there. Really, look up in the city and you might see a handfull. I saw thousands and that was after I stopped counting. Elsewhere it was pitch black, something I hadn't seen since the blackout. By half way through the glass I was pondering life in the universe.

Now it's a day later and a backyard balcony with beer and steaks and baked potatoes and geeks talking about MSN on a phone and free laptops. Life is good. July 27 06

Well frug with a wooden spoon; a glitch in the software literally wiped all my music from my iPod. Oh it kept the database list of all the files but every actual file is 0k. Now I have to spend even more time recovering them by finding DVDs with their contents. Much much much is lost, having been naughty and copied from other friends' iPods. Oh well, wrists slapped and all. July 25 06

Great, due to some sort of bug in the iPod software I am using, the database on my tunage is quadruplicated and that makes it near impossible to listen to the thing. So, tomorrow means I get to use my new 200gig HD to copy all music off the beastie and then reupload it all. Fuck. July 24 06

I imagine the Knife Sharpening Tricks in this article would make the noodle man cringe, he having been trained in a proper kitche as opposed to, say, a sidewalk.

A co-worker, seeking a little equal suffrage bonding, asked me what my favourite movie is. Being put on the spot is never a good thing so I just tossed out a handful of my usual regularly watched flicks like The Matrix, The Fifth Element and Wings of Desire. But I should have put Unbreakable near the top (cannot be a single movie but a short list) as it is one movie that I do not just watch over but I am moved by each and every viewing. Three themes work perfectly for me in this movie: the emerging hero, finding your place in the world and the sadness of not doing so, and fixing a broken relationship.

Of course, it's a superhero movie of the furthest degree, doing so much more for me than any Superman Returns ever will. Even in just a rain slicker, Bruce Willis's David Dunn bears the striking figure of a super man so much more than the skinny guys who have played the last son of krypton. And of course, it is always so much more heroic for the everyman to rise up and protect his fellows, even if he cannot be hurt, cannot be injured but can only be drowned.

My favourite scenes, the ones that can bring a tear the eye of this jaded, tired & bitter old comic book reader are the ones where the hero overcomes not only the obstacles put before him but the ones within himself. David Dunn carries a sadness with him, one present in his chest all his life. It is unfulfillment. When he is tossed out the window into the swimming pool, Dunn is very afraid he will die, drowning in a covered pool. But with the help of his two rescuees, he lifts himself from the pool in a shoulder-rolling image of great strength. It's just the angle of the camera and the rising out that does it for me. Then later, after he has successfully been the hero, he takes his wife from her self imposed exile in the main floor bedroom and carries her like she weighs nothing to their once shared bedroom. He lays her down and puts his head on her shoulder, seeking comfort from her for a nightmare he has awoken from. Despite their kryptonites, we all know the supermen are only truly disarmed by the loves of their lives, probably the only thing Superman Returns got right. Lastly, the later scene where Dunn slides the newspaper across the table to his son, depicting his heroic act, an act while grounded in the reality that two died, is uplifting to his son, the public, the rescued children and ultimately, to himself & his relationship. I cry every time. My own kryptonite, I guess.

It strikes me as odd, that the Wiki article says there were supposed to have been sequels. Where would you go from now but in the expansion of his heroism? You could build similar themed movies exploring the concepts of superheroism, such as secret identies, sacrifice or with great power comes great responsibility. But I believe they might have diluted the wonderment that is Unbreakable in much the way the sequels of The Matrix have done for so many people.

Speaking of The Matrix, I still believe Neo played the best superman in any movie ever. His rescue of Trinity at the end of Reloaded. And I loved the sequels as much as the original, only differently. July 24 06

Vacations confound me. I believe they stress me out more than the stress at work does. I am a creature of habit, mostly bad habits, and once taken out of the environment, all sorts of weird things happen. Most of it has to do with fidgeting. The other has to do with being unable to wind down. If I take a week's vacation it usually is not until 2 days before I am back that I am actually relaxed, sometimes not at all. When we went to Montreal earlier this year, I found myself feeling mellow about two and suddenly I was craving another week. Oh, I can fake it well enough but inside I am a seething ball of confusion, a bit of anger and tension tight enought to strangle a rhino. The previous time off while not working was a week at the TIFF so I don't think I noticed the stress between the late movies and the long lines. That had it's own stress.

This year I am taking about two weeks. Most of that is at home in NS, which I leave for on wednesday, and then some winding down time here. I needed to get away from everything that I am here so going home alone seemed appropo. It's a family reunion so there should be enough chaos to distract me. While I talked, at work, all week about sitting on a deck, beer in hand, and just chill-laxing (again to quote noodle) I actually dread the idea of that. Once given to time alone, with only my head to haunt me, I imagine I could do alot of mental damage. I am bringing two books, my iPod and my digital camera so hopefully I can use those to avoid any demons who take a flight out east with me.

Oh, and one of those books is part of my new attempt to think. Perhaps I am seeking to supplant the demonic voices in my head by giving them something to argue about other than my personal foibles. Thus, one book is not my usual pulp fiction but an out-and-out non-fiction. It's Kim Vicente's The Human Factor, about living with technology. Thanks L. From there I believe I may dig into Kottke's reading list and also some ideas over at Caterina who used to have an extensive reading list. Any suggestions will be appreciated. We will see how my snail's pace reading habits adapt to this challenge. July 24 06

OK, I have been saying w00t for years and didn't know it's origins. Oh, I knew it was somewhat internet based but I didn't know the specifics.

I am pretty sure this Howl's Moving Castle Papercraft Model is featured in a Ghibli book but I dunno. Update: Ah, yes this is where I saw it. I assume the one for sale is the completed project though I cannot envision the shipping method. Oh, and their Flickr set is worth looking at.

When I was younger, at different points of my life, I was convinced / was convincing others that I was immortal and at key points I would forget everything I had experienced and build a life to start anew with. At some point I would remember it all. I never knew what would happen then. What if you could live forever ??

Kewl. It's benoit falardeau the designer I tried to get my company in Montreal to hire. We probably couldn't afford him. And I found him by an ex-worker's Last.FM page.

As my brain fires calm down, having only destroyed a few homes (but they had insurance so that's ok), I am back to obsessing about work. I might peruse Bob Sutton's blog for some insights as to why the people I work with, and myself, work the way we do.

Ed asks, "Where are those pictures now?" To be honest, I have no clue. I hunted my HD last night, as I thought I have all versions of TBIT sitting around there, but alas, all I had was the source HTML and the original files are gone. I probably uploaded them from work and left them there; I imagine there is a Meep Disk somewhere with their contents. Some afternoon I should hunt. Thanks for the memory. July 19 06

Heard this emanating from a pub walking home and it reminded me how much I love the villain. I always liked Darth Vader better than Luke, Baron Karza was the coolest of the Micronauts. No matter how many heroes I played in D&D, I believe my heart lies with the bad guys.

OK, officially I am done with the heat. My stomach is in knots, my head is swimming, my body is not swimming. Could we transfer this heat to the east coast so next week, when I actually there sitting on a deck, a beer in hand, within eyesight of a pond full of cold water, I can actually enjoy the shit? Really, come on already and everyone who knows me I am not one to complain about the heat. David wants some decent sleep. July 18 06

A co-worker is often known to leave work early "saving hours" or attending "a family emergency" and returning the next day with a shade darker tan to his dome. He is golfing, it's accepted, he's probably networking. But imagine if he was going home to play WoW.

While I understand that an old man, who happens to have power over the regulation of the Internet in the US, doesn't really understand the technology, even if they each brought in their own geeks to explain it to each other, I am sure people still wouldn't get what the Internet is.

FUCK !! I am sweaty in places I should only be when having some sweaty fun. I love the heat but this is ridonkulous to quote the nood-man. July 17 06

Ohhhhhkay. Someone did a Space Invaders live performance. (last two via milo)

Could you do the same thing as The Brooklynites for a neighbourhood of Toronto or even the whole city?

So, there is going to be a Official Dragonlance Movie and it will be animated. It could be worse than the live action movies but I doubt it. What I want to see is a CGI animated movie of the calibre of the Warhammer trailer. (via ed)

Yeah I usually get what I ask for as well. "Brain? You are emotionally stagnant," was what I said a few months ago. So then my brain responded. (via joey, not that I haven't linked to Sinfest before)

And of course, there is the show with zefrank but he's been permalinked (look left).

Just in case your didn't get that, it's videolog and the first is Rocketboom.

Well, that is one way to quash (why is it just squash minus an s ?) a controvery about a previous host getting canned (or leaving in a huff, depends on which fanboy you ask) and a new (hot) host being hired. Have a crossover issue / episode. Yep, that is the fun hotness of TikiBar having fun with RocketBoom. And just to celebrate I added a new category for video logs or vlogs. July 17 06

It's a fascinating story over at Megnut's guest side of things where Michael Ruhlman lost a tooth to an oyster shell. Being American, the repairs came out of his pocket. His little company of himself didn't carry dental insurance. Either do we, as I am with Marmy's dental, but that sort of thing is automatically covered by our Canadian Health Insurance. About 5 years ago I knew the grinding I was doing was hitting critical mass as all the major molars on the bottom row were sensitive. I could feel one in particular had thin cracking lines in it. I had one dentist fill it but that seem to make it worse and then one fateful evening I felt it go, an entire half-molar in my hand. Long story short, it got filled and fell out again (with a caramel) this spring past. New dentist repaired as (freely) easily as the last. I like Canada. July 17 06

Just in case Jer needs to really hurt someone with his Nerf powers, he could make a armor piercing Nerf rifle.

Sometimes I wish I had a Amazing Screw-On Head so I could just leave it elsewhere. Anywayz, I will be downloading this animation as soo as it is available. To the TorrentMobile !! (thx robo)

We have canned music at work, a neat lil system that downloads a DVD full of music onto a harddrive that plays a selection of songs deemed worthy (and affordable) for our workplace. It's a mixture of mind numbing classic rock, top 40 and little gems. One such was Rosie Thomas, who plays the exact kind of sweet & sad music running through my head these days. Thanks work. July 14 06

I sat down on the balcony looking over downtown Toronto and remembered saying, "There was a day when I didn't know what stress was...." Thus began a night of not being me for a little while. I sat with some co-workers on a balcony with some red wine, pate, cheese and some crackers as some guys complaining about the same thing only could do. Soon it was pot (i did not partake), brandy (i did partake) and beer. And there was the pipe tobacco. I do not smoke but I do have fond memories of dearly loved uncles and grandfathers who smoked pipes & cigarellos. Sitting with a borrowed pipe in hand and fragrant smoke in mouth, I did remember people I have not seen in years and scents not remembered in over a decade. I do not smoke; I will not smoke but the scent does hold memories of people I love. Only one person I know and love who was allowed to smoke in my kitchen actually has been known to read this blog. I remember the distinct smell of my grandmother and her sisters smoking cheap cigarettes as we played Scat together in The Country, the rural area I am going home to visit soon. I can remember my grandfather's cigarellos or more strongly the taste of the wine flavoured mouth pieces I would steal from his ash trays, as a child. I remember Uncle Dicker and his cigars, as the only nice guy on my dad's side of the family. Weird how a substance so responsible for all their deaths could hold such fond memories. It was a fun night.

Just a little while ago Joey linked to a New Doritos Flavour but was more wondering what the two guys in tights were doing to each other. I had no idea about the ball scrunching porn called denki anma but I did recognize the guys from some vinyl figures I bought at Magic Pony. It turns out these guys are called Tights Kun but I still really have no idea what they are all about. I love the internet. July 13 06

I dislike it when a movie trailer campaign gives me an idea of what the movie is about but which the movie is not. Seeing the trailers for A Scanner Darkly, I was under the impression it was a semi-scifi movie about the ideas of being watched and the affect it has on the soul. But to be true to the movie the scanning really only appears peripherally in the movie. The movie is really about the main characters steady decay into insanity due to abuse of the drug Substance D or death. I really wish the movie had been more about the surveilance, as even the website pushes on us. I wish the movie had been more about the knowledge that we are being watched and the paranoia it would create but for a few instances the movie players just went about their own neurotic drug-induced or drug-hunting-induced lives.

That said, I really did enjoy the movie. It was visually stunning, much more enjoyable than Linklater's first attempt at rotoscoping style animation. And Arctor's descent is really tangible. But really it's the conversations between all, one of Linklater's cinematic foci, that makes it so fun -- Downey's Barris is soooooo smart sounding yet what a dummy. I liked but felt a bit funny afterwards, perhaps being a little too open souled for feeds of insanity right now. July 12 06

Oh, and if you haven't already, start at My Toronto Includes Winona Tong and go from there.

FUCKING TREACHEROUS GNOMES !! I will kill you all. I found the digital camera. It was in the closet, in a shoe, tucked under the shoe tree. I only found it because I was looking for insoles for my new $10 shoes. Fucking gnomes always moving my stuff around. July 11 06

The Designers Mixtape is a neat idea where designers are invited to share their own music playlists.

First, zombie-dream induced insomnia. Then I buy cranberry juice with sucralose which gives me the nastiest headaches, then I lose my new digital camera (a slight upgrade on my old P&S) by possibly throwing it down the garbage shute when I cleaned off my desk. I fucking hate Mondays. I am going to bed and feel sorry for myself; I think I deserve a little more of that lately. July 10 06

Awoken with the usual night terrors that provide me with insomnia these days (tonight, i had left my bag at a girls place leaving behind my only weapon against the zombies following me on a walk from queen & parliment to yonge & eg) and surfed for a little distraction to find another photoblog and great harbour shot at c o l o u r b l i n d.

Been browsing the entries at the Spacing Photoblog and found a nice one called Burlap Jacket. And another called Photosapience.

I really should try and become more popular in this blogging world again. That is, if I ever find the energy to do so. It's not that I want to be popular, I could attain that just by filling the cat bowls with milk every day. It's more about the schwag and the invites to cool events. It seems Joey DeVilla, our illustrious accordion playing local internet celebrity, was invited to a blogger-invite-only Q&A with David Cronenburg about the Andy Warhol / Supernova exhibit. I saw a poster of that on the TTC the other day and said to Marmy, "Now that is something I need to see." Joey hasn't actually blogged it yet but he mentioned it in the post where he discusses a Hollywood-style gossip-mongering falling-out between a popular video blog host and her partner/producer. Joey doesn't do it gossip-mongering style but you know that his post will be up there on the Google ranking and me, well I had never heard of the RocketBoom.

So, why am I out of the loop when I was there at the beginning of this blogging world, having beer with HChamp, trading emails with Jason Kottke and being yelled at by Dave Winer. Yes, I know that the fact that I haven't worked in the industry for over 5 years factors into it but it's also a bit of bitterness as to that fact, I guess. If I cannot play on the playground then I don't want to be part of the playgroup. But I do imagine that if I had persevered in my attention to said Blogging World, I could at least be back to working in the area. Blogging does make some of the best networking. I am still trying to remember if I actually want to do that.

That said, I don't think I am capable of becoming a popular blogger in this world of too-many-blogs. I am not focused enough, I don't read RSS feeds for the juiciest meme, I don't post (many) videos nor do I have an interest in trolling in controversy. And I complain far too much about my life. Oh well, obscurity and envy make great drinking buddies.

Yes, this was just a braindump.

Update: He's blogged about it now. July 09 06

OK, I have to rave about the making happy photoblog. If anything, she consistently posts shots that make me shake my head with wonder, me seeing perfection in the detailed, precise, wonderfully coloured medium format posts. Even more than building my own shots, having a ball in Photoshop and such, I desire to print and frame photos. I would be the kind of guy that would have a gallery of all his own favourite shots. I just really like tangible evidence of images I like. I saw her shots at the Digifest show and they even look better printed on large sheets. That is the kind of work you can get out shooting with largish format film and is not possible with a P&S digicam. Le sigh. July 09 06

So do you think he is for real? Someone seems to have done a Google search for my title of a photo, one "amber skull of moldavia". I was being humorous about the skull candleholders we were selling at The Store. A Knight Templar wants one? Woooooo-weeee. July 08 06

At some point in many of our conversations we have broken a small bit of silence by shouting, "It's clobbering time !!" It's an immature reference to a goatsie (oh just google it) image of The Thing and Mr. Fantastic. Now we can also giggle at Mastercards.

I am just linking to the Installation and Upgrade Archives to make sure all posting is back to normal.

This Pervert's Guide to Cinema sounds fascinating. To the BitTorrent Mobile !!

I don't remember how the dream starts but it reminds me of a FPS, like Half-Life 2 I was playing last night. I am a factory worker who knows things he shouldn't, has reflexes like a skilled something and no knowledge of recent past. He was in an accident and he has a hole in his head, a hole that replaces the skull fracture I have IRL. Accidents begin to happen, all of which I narrowly escape. Someone is out to get me. My factory worker friend and I trace the trouble back to a boarding house near Toronto's waterfront. I know I am walking into a nest but don't care; I need to know who I am. As I walk in, the place has a kindly matron who directs me upstairs, "Where you will find her and everything else." Walking the three flights allows me to pass by rooms filled with people dressed better than the usual extra and with menace in their eyes. I begin to awaken to the fact that I am part of some fraternity of skilled people, skilled killers. When I reach the top Marmy is in bed with an older man, a man played by my father (it's a DREAM ok???), and I remember that I had been hired by him to protect her but it had been a scam, a sham to have her kill me and enter this group of elite assassins. When she shot me in the head she realized that her own life was forfeit and escaped to this snakehole, a place where other members of the fraternity seeking freedom from being assassins, came to hide. But everyone knows that my amnesia riddled brain has led that said fraternity back here to the hiding spot, exactly as planned and now I have to leave. I pick up my favourite gun, avoid making direct confrontations with people who I know want to kill me and make my way downstairs. My factory worker friend has been sitting in the kitchen marvelling at how well dressed these people living in a boarding house are. We leave quietly, steadily but quickly. As we reach the yard, a car crashes into a taxi and a young girl climbs out. She has a bloody forehead and an M60, you know the big mother fucking gun Rambo had, and she is about to open up. I haven't noticed that my favourite gun has gone off and she has a small hole in between her eyes. I have shot her from 30 yards, from the hip. My factory worker friend is impressed and a little scared. "We have to go," I growl. We go to her car, see a dead asian couple in the backseat, they whom she killed for the car. We toss them into the street as sirens begin to wail, as well dressed ex-fraternity assassins empty from the house and as I know that unmarked cars filled with still-with-the-fraternity assassins are speeding towards us. I hit the gas with the knowledge that my elite driving skill will get us away in a chase more exciting than Jason Bourne could do. July 06 06

So, Dave Winer wants to quit blogging. One of his comments is, "I don't want to blog forever." That is the exact reason I will probably always have a site even if I lose the desire to post. I do want a blog forever. I think it will be neat to look back at it 40 years from now when technology and social strata is soooo different, y'know when we all have jetpacks and vacation on the moon. July 05 06

OK, for the first time in at least a couple of months I am feeling like me again. That means apathetic (still only wearing skivvies at 10am), unmotivated, over-caffeinated, blasé and slightly pissed off at something yet to be determined. The weird thing, is that after the rollercoaster ride of emotions and devilish thoughts plaguing my brain as of late, this is actually a welcome change.

So, when did Attack of the Show replace the last of the Screensavers alumni (the ditsy blonde) with that yummy, hippy (as in hips) brunette? July 05 06

Really, I probably blogged this before but it should be under the xBox category. It's that non-existant Banned Xbox 360 Ad.

Hey; I have not done the last minute movie club in a while so why no toss this one out? I will be downtown in about an hour to buy comics. If anyone would like to meet for a pint or whatever, email the cell phone at tbit[AT]bell{DOT}blackberry[dat]net and we can be social. July 02 06

Walking along Queen St West. A couple of very hot asian chix (the stereotype) are walking towards me . They are smiling and enjoying the obvious male attention they get. I turn and lean against the wall, not to see them pass (shapeless ultra minis) but to wait outside the bookstore with my coke-espresso drink. An asian couple passes them and the guy obviously checks them out. “Don't be soooo greedy,” she squeals with a grin on her face. She have thought they were hot too. July 02 06