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| moping updatish I was thinking about updating the blog in the last few days but communicating seemed like such an effort. It most often does these days. I think I am becoming the antisocial geek that I have described myself as but never really considered myself as such. I even find myself falling into my own head when out with friends recently. I don't know how far I am into this state but it seems like a point of no return. It's about not really having the energy to communicate in positive turns when I don't really feel all that positive very often. Blogging should be fun and I don't really have the readership or energy to dedicate myself to a LiveJournal whining site. Yes, I still like to take digs at LiveJournal. It's about wondering what is the point. You might think this is a typical blogger ennui but really it's a life based ennui. When I was down, in the past, I knew I could ride it out and then come back to a sort of stable, sort of OK kind of guy. This funk has been lasting years, literally months going by without me feeling the least bit OK. Oh, I can fake it and laugh my ass off at the goofiest movie but something is missing, a real tangible enjoyment of things comparible to when you lose your taste for your favourite food. So dear friends and readers (yes, you three) it is not you. It is me. Emails will continue to sit in boxes cuz I got nothing good to say. Packages will takes months maybe years to mail cuz I don't have anything good to put in them. I will forget birthdays, anniversaries and exactly how much I cherish my friends. Because right now I cherish very little but losing myself for an hour in some distraction or another or those 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep I occasionally get. Yeah, that and toast. I still cherish toast. That being said, I have done some things that will need real updates. Spent a night in Barrie where there is real snow, not that fake stuff they put under our streetlights here in TO. I played with a puppy and remembered how much I liked Tokyo Godfathers. I almost broke the funk. I am back to playing Bad Bad Boy as CoV corrects the no-missions bug. I cracked my back top molar in half and spent today in an emergency filling session at the local dentist. My nose is even frozen. We finished watching Last Exile and I once again felt that the biggest failing of linear anime stories is the endings. They never can wrap up things with the wonder and attention that they start things. Speaking of anime, Gantz, may or may not be an interesting series having started with lots of big boobs and a dog's nose stuck in the crotch of naked half aware young girl. I almost turned it off just for that but I am well aware of anime's fascination with humiliating young ladies. But Genshiken is absolutely spectacular !! It's a non-action series about otaku or nerds and the club they all hang out at. We are also still watching the continuing series Bleach and Blood +, currently running in Japan. I recently attended Maria's Canadian Citizenship party where I recognized about five bloggers. I am so out of the circle. And I don't remember much else. February 14 06 |
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Comments
I understand. I've been feeling down for so long it is just ridiculous. And yes, I understand the art of perfectioning a smile when you're not really feeling it. I'm just trying to live one day at a time and cope with it. That, and medication.
Posted by: Maria at February 14, 2006 08:14 PM
*hugs*
i'll keep sending you hugs no matter how much you ignore me "lalala the more you ignore me the closer i get" ; )
maybe you need to watch more cutesy anime ^_~ the next show i want to check out is Wolf's Rain. thanks for the genshiken tip!
(cough, my lj is not whiney!!!!)
Posted by: vvvvvv at February 14, 2006 08:34 PM
Well, your gift will be mailed any day now..I hope. Just don't hurt anybody with it.
You need a vacation. And a big change. Hopefully one or the other comes your way soon.
Posted by: uber at February 14, 2006 09:00 PM
At least you admit to being in a funk full o' junk. Most people just run around shoving anything they can into themselves to try to fill the holes in their lives. Yup. Self-aware depression is where it's at my friend...Facetious as I am, are you ready for change? I'm guessing "fug, yes."
Posted by: Joan at February 16, 2006 12:51 PM
Hey David,
I can relate to a point. I know I haven't been in touch with the blogger set as of late, but I've been finding myself thoroughly engulfed by another world within this past year or so. Mostly all good, but lately it's been taking a bit of a toll on my need for space. As in, I too every once in a while crave a time to just be by myself and not do anything too productive or anything that requires any effort to communicate with another person. Just wanted to let you know that though it's been a while, I'm still around, still thinking of you guys and just wanted to say hi even though it may be a while before I get a chance to see you again. Take care.
Posted by: Carla at February 19, 2006 07:20 PM
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